Success

How do you measure it? When I was growing up, it was very simple and delineated, based on the different people in my life.

Success according to my Mom:  I would go to a 4-year university right out of high school. Get my degree. Get a high paying, prestigious career that she could brag to her friends about. Meet a man, either in college or at my job and get married. Then, because he would make more than me, obvi, I would quit my job and stay home and raise our 2.5 babies and golden retriever. She was adamant about me going to college, but then she would say things like “you better meet a rich man who can keep you in the lifestyle to which you’ve become accustomed!” Wait…but isn’t that why I was going to college? So that I could keep myself in the lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed? Why did I need a man to do that? (this is even more odd considering that my mom made almost 2 times what my dad did…so, what gives?)

Success according to my Dad: Again, go to a 4 year university straight out of high school. But he was a little more specific. My dad’s dream was for me to be an engineer. Didn’t matter what kind; mechanical, electrical, aeronautical…didn’t matter, just so long as it was some engineering field. Then get an awesome job working for the government or one of the Big 3 car manufacturers in the country. He didn’t care so much about who I married (just so long as they weren’t taking advantage of me and using me for money), and didn’t even consider the option of me quitting my job to stay home with kids.

Success according to me: When I was in high school (and actually, long before that) I thought success would be a combination of my parents’ thoughts. Of course graduating from a 4 year university was #1. (are you noticing a trend here?) Get a high paying job that I loved and was awesome at. Then get married, but in my vision, my guy would stay home. Or, if not stay home completely, at least have some 2 bit job that didn’t take much time, but would give him some spending money. And he would cook, clean, take care of the babies, and I would bring in the real money. We would live in a nice house in a major city (like in NorCal), have nice cars and basically be able to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. I didn’t think much about this far-off future husband. **In fact, other than the fact that he wouldn’t be as successful as me and would stay home and take care of things there, I didn’t really think of him at all. I’m not sure if this is a dominant thing, a control thing or what, but it really never crossed my mind that I would marry someone that had a better career than me or *gasp* made more money. Maybe that’s because I knew I liked things my way, and if I marry someone who makes less than me, it will always be my way. Because he who makes the money, makes the rules.**

Now, let’s go ahead and take a look at reality. Yes, I went to the 4 year university straight out of college (actually, it was a 5 year school, but same idea). And I went for mechanical engineering. So far, so good following both of my parents’ recipes for success. I got through about 4 years of the 5 year school. Mainly because there was a lot of moving every 3 months, and I was getting burned out. Also because I was doing an internship for the government and pretty much wanted to stab a rusty fork into my eye every day that I had to go to work. Not a good feeling, especially when you know you have another good 40 years of doing the same crap…and you’re not even out of school yet.

So…I quit. (And let me tell you, telling my parents was the worst conversation I’ve ever had in my life). And here I am, over 2 years after deciding not to go back to school. I am engaged to the best man I’ve ever known, whom I wouldn’t have met if I would have stayed in school. He has a wonderful career and makes way more than I do (like, more than double). Because he makes so much more than I do, I am free to have a job that makes me happy. I can do the things that I want to do and that I enjoy. (not right now, in Cali, because when I moved back I just took the first job offered to me, but when we move to BFE, I can pretty much get any job, even if it only pays $10/hr). Meaning, I can be a cell phone salesman (because I LOVE cell phones). Or work in a call center again, which I loved and was really good at. Or be a receptionist. Or basically anything else I want to do.

And I’m happy. I think that was the main thing missing from everyone’s idea of success, even mine. No, I don’t get to tell people I’m a Mechanical Engineer, and see the looks of shock and awe run across their faces. My mom won’t be able to brag to her friends about my career and how much I make. My dad won’t be able to puff his chest out in pride because his daughter graduated from one of the top engineering schools in the nation. But that’s OK. They still love me. They love GTO guy. And they are thrilled that we’re moving back to their state (in fact, I’m living .8 miles away from them), which is no where near a major city of any kind.

So, my life turned out almost exactly opposite of how everyone thought it would. It’s perfect. And successful.