Success

How do you measure it? When I was growing up, it was very simple and delineated, based on the different people in my life.

Success according to my Mom:  I would go to a 4-year university right out of high school. Get my degree. Get a high paying, prestigious career that she could brag to her friends about. Meet a man, either in college or at my job and get married. Then, because he would make more than me, obvi, I would quit my job and stay home and raise our 2.5 babies and golden retriever. She was adamant about me going to college, but then she would say things like “you better meet a rich man who can keep you in the lifestyle to which you’ve become accustomed!” Wait…but isn’t that why I was going to college? So that I could keep myself in the lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed? Why did I need a man to do that? (this is even more odd considering that my mom made almost 2 times what my dad did…so, what gives?)

Success according to my Dad: Again, go to a 4 year university straight out of high school. But he was a little more specific. My dad’s dream was for me to be an engineer. Didn’t matter what kind; mechanical, electrical, aeronautical…didn’t matter, just so long as it was some engineering field. Then get an awesome job working for the government or one of the Big 3 car manufacturers in the country. He didn’t care so much about who I married (just so long as they weren’t taking advantage of me and using me for money), and didn’t even consider the option of me quitting my job to stay home with kids.

Success according to me: When I was in high school (and actually, long before that) I thought success would be a combination of my parents’ thoughts. Of course graduating from a 4 year university was #1. (are you noticing a trend here?) Get a high paying job that I loved and was awesome at. Then get married, but in my vision, my guy would stay home. Or, if not stay home completely, at least have some 2 bit job that didn’t take much time, but would give him some spending money. And he would cook, clean, take care of the babies, and I would bring in the real money. We would live in a nice house in a major city (like in NorCal), have nice cars and basically be able to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. I didn’t think much about this far-off future husband. **In fact, other than the fact that he wouldn’t be as successful as me and would stay home and take care of things there, I didn’t really think of him at all. I’m not sure if this is a dominant thing, a control thing or what, but it really never crossed my mind that I would marry someone that had a better career than me or *gasp* made more money. Maybe that’s because I knew I liked things my way, and if I marry someone who makes less than me, it will always be my way. Because he who makes the money, makes the rules.**

Now, let’s go ahead and take a look at reality. Yes, I went to the 4 year university straight out of college (actually, it was a 5 year school, but same idea). And I went for mechanical engineering. So far, so good following both of my parents’ recipes for success. I got through about 4 years of the 5 year school. Mainly because there was a lot of moving every 3 months, and I was getting burned out. Also because I was doing an internship for the government and pretty much wanted to stab a rusty fork into my eye every day that I had to go to work. Not a good feeling, especially when you know you have another good 40 years of doing the same crap…and you’re not even out of school yet.

So…I quit. (And let me tell you, telling my parents was the worst conversation I’ve ever had in my life). And here I am, over 2 years after deciding not to go back to school. I am engaged to the best man I’ve ever known, whom I wouldn’t have met if I would have stayed in school. He has a wonderful career and makes way more than I do (like, more than double). Because he makes so much more than I do, I am free to have a job that makes me happy. I can do the things that I want to do and that I enjoy. (not right now, in Cali, because when I moved back I just took the first job offered to me, but when we move to BFE, I can pretty much get any job, even if it only pays $10/hr). Meaning, I can be a cell phone salesman (because I LOVE cell phones). Or work in a call center again, which I loved and was really good at. Or be a receptionist. Or basically anything else I want to do.

And I’m happy. I think that was the main thing missing from everyone’s idea of success, even mine. No, I don’t get to tell people I’m a Mechanical Engineer, and see the looks of shock and awe run across their faces. My mom won’t be able to brag to her friends about my career and how much I make. My dad won’t be able to puff his chest out in pride because his daughter graduated from one of the top engineering schools in the nation. But that’s OK. They still love me. They love GTO guy. And they are thrilled that we’re moving back to their state (in fact, I’m living .8 miles away from them), which is no where near a major city of any kind.

So, my life turned out almost exactly opposite of how everyone thought it would. It’s perfect. And successful.

Goodbye Cali

Ok…well, there is something that has been happening behind the scenes in my life right now that I haven’t blogged about yet…mainly because it wasn’t official and I would hate to write about it just to tell everyone that it wasn’t going to happen. So…here it is: GTO guy and I are moving BACK to the state I just came from. At the end of this month.  He has already put in for his transfer and been approved. He already knows what his salary is going to be (and while it is a slight pay cut, it is still more than enough to live comfortably in this other state that is not CA.) We already have an apartment. We already have UHauls rented. It is official. We are moving in about 2 and a half weeks.

Yes, I know this is extremely fast. We have only known of each other’s existence on this planet for 6 months and 3 days. Yes, we’re already engaged and living together right now, but this is a huge deal. This is moving to another state together. He has never even seen this state. I have lived there for about 3 years off and on over the past 5 years. My parents are there. He knows no one there. But me. And my parents. And, well, I know no one there. except my parents, too.

The big thing my friends keep pointing out is that I tried very very hard to get out of that state and back to CA. So why, WHY would I possibly consider moving back?!? Didn’t I hate it there? There were no trees, no water, no ocean, no grass…it was a desert. The people down there either have tons of babies, drink excessively, or do drugs. Or they do all 3. At once. And well, I had to leave because I knew no one and I was bored. I hate being bored. More than anything else, I hate being bored.

But what they don’t get is that now it’s not just about me. It’s about me and GTO guy. We are starting a life together. And we wouldn’t have as good of a life here in CA as we could have in BFE (Bum-Fuck-Egypt, for those who don’t know). I mean, combined, we make over 100K per year. And we are living in an apartment with no dishwasher, no A/C, no washer/drier…and it sucks. And we want better. For us, and for our babies (yes, there will be babies…he’s thinking in 3 years, I’m thinking closer to 5, but either way…). We could afford a house out there, easily. Probably in less than a year( actually, probably now if we wanted to eat Ramen and Mac and Cheese for awhile). In Northern California, though? Um…not for a long, long time. if ever.

In BFE, we’re getting an apartment that’s about 200 sq ft bigger, with A/C, washer and drier IN UNIT and a dishwasher. For about $400 less. I know…it’s amazing.

Now, I love Cali. A lot. I was raised here. It’s gorgeous. I love the diversity of people, cars, beliefs, and cell phones. I love being at the mecca of technology that is Silicon Valley. I love the beach and Great America and the Professional Sports teams. I love that with a 4 hour drive you could be in the mountains or at the beach. I love the weather (even though in the 6 months I’ve been here this time, I think it’s only rained twice, and it’s been insanely hot). I love being at sea level for the drag strip. But, unfortunately, it is just not economical to stay here. CA would bleed us dry. And we would constantly be broke, even though we should be able to be living life high on the hog.

So…we’re gonna do it. BFE, here we come. Goodbye California, I’m going to miss you. I promise we’ll come back to visit!